The Eyes of the Lord

First off, for the perhaps one reader in the world who has ever perused Smiley Morning, I apologize for my long delay in returning to posts. Over the summer, my life took a blessed turn of events in my engagement and marriage to a wonderful man. Since then, not only has Smiley Morning been placed aside, but my personal Bible study as well.

Which brings me to the topic of this post: my complete inability to rid myself of God.

Seems like an extreme statement to make, doesn't it? But as I was thinking of posting today, I was reminded of Psalm 139: 1-12: ^"You have searched me, Lord,and you k now me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down, you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn,  if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.  If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you."

Then you begin to realize, all these weeks and months that you have left the Lord on the back burner, he has still seen you. He's seen me having joy at my wedding, then yelling at my husband. Shivering in the cold of new frosts and dragging myself through another day from a cold. He's watched me have a bad attitude about making dinner, and then my mixed emotion of joy and confusion over petty details and major changes. Through it all, I wonder if he looks for me to come to him, and yet, I am too proud to do so.

I was watching a show called "My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding" on television the other day when one of the girls, a young, flippant divorcee who had been abused as a wife, admitted with a bite in her voice, "I don't live with plans. I live in the moment." Living without the Lord makes me think that way: a momentary fixation on the things of this world, rather than eternal. How, then, should we live? Paul answers, ^"Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." (Ephesians 5: 15-16)

It is strange to think that God wishes us to reflect so soberly. I glory in cupcakes, getting off work, and my husband remembering to call me beautiful! But God is looking at my life much more intently to see me not hiding from him or dodging the spiritual, but soberly becoming the woman he wants me to be. I want my life, and my Biblical womanhood, to begin again. I want to go back to the God who sees all my rising and sitting, and make it a point to learn from him. Otherwise, the passing "mist" of my life will only be for self satisfaction and complaint. 

How can we start living as if God is watching?